Powerful emotions can steamroll you unless you learn how to roll with them. While emotions are a necessary part of human existence, you do not need to allow them to control your life. The ABC model from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective way to gain control of your emotions.
Often the reason we have intense emotions is that our underlying beliefs are negative and distorted. Because these beliefs are subconscious, they can be difficult to recognize. You may need to put forth an effort to become conscious of your negative beliefs.
It can be helpful to keep a record for at least 24 hours. This will help you gain an understanding of some of your most intrusive, negative beliefs. For the next 24 hours to one week, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice each time you tell yourself something like, “I’m such an idiot,” “What is wrong with me,” or “I’ll never achieve my goals,” “I’m so weak. Why am I such a crybaby?” Many of us have these and much worse thoughts about ourselves. These are judgments and you can change them. They are not facts. Once you’ve tracked your negative thoughts about yourself, begin work on the ABC Model, described below.
Changing your thoughts to acceptance will help decrease the intensity of your emotions. When you can say to yourself, “I’m lonely right now and that’s ok,” or “Damn, I messed up, but everybody messes up sometimes. I’ll get better with practice,” or “It’s ok to cry,” you take the judgment out of the equation and begin to transform your beliefs. This allows emotions to neutralize much quicker. You need to honor your emotions, rather than criticize yourself for having them.
Research has shown that when you allow yourself to feel them, emotions are short-lived. Neuroscientist, Jill Bolte-Taylor, notes that the physiological lifespan of emotion in the body and brain is 90 seconds. Anytime an emotion lingers longer, it’s because your negative beliefs are holding you captive.
Furthermore, ignoring, numbing, or distracting from your emotions may allow you to escape from them briefly, but it also increases the likelihood that they will erupt and cause you to lose control for extended periods. This is because when everything you’ve kept buried coming to the surface, the intensity of it is out of your control.
The ABC model will give you power over such powerful emotions.
You will need:
Paper
Pen
List of emotion words (optional)
ABC Model printouts (optional)
Instructions:
A. Activating Event:
Write down what triggered your intense emotional reaction. The activating event might also be called the situation (figure 2). It refers to what happened immediately before you experienced intense emotions. This is also known as a trigger.
B. Belief(s):
For this step, write down the beliefs that caused you to have such a heightened reaction. Your beliefs are the underlying thoughts you have about the situation. These are sometimes referred to as negative self-statements because they are distorted beliefs that we have about ourselves. Sometimes, your intense reactions seem justified, but when our emotions are too intense or persistent for the situation it’s because our deeply rooted negative beliefs (not the situation itself) caused those emotions. In figure 1, above, the beliefs may seem to justify the reaction, but keep in mind these beliefs are distorted. Below, we discuss how to dispute distorted beliefs.
C. Consequence(s):
Write down the consequences of your belief. These are the behaviors, feelings, and bodily reactions that resulted from your beliefs. Many of us have a hard time identifying or naming our feelings, you may need a list of emotions to help you with this step. Identifying your emotions is an important part of regulating them.
D. Dispute:
You must question your beliefs to dispute them. Often, because we’ve believed something for so long, it can be difficult to question our beliefs and formulate new beliefs, but it can be done. Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true. To dispute your beliefs, you can ask yourself questions like these:
o What evidence do I have to prove that this is true?
o Do I know for certain what will happen?
o Is there another explanation for this person’s behavior?
o Do I know what other people are thinking?
o Can I predict the future?
o Am I setting impossible standards?
o Am I using all or nothing thinking (never/always, everyone/no one, everything/nothing)?
o How can I accept or cope when things are…(disappointing, imperfect, uncomfortable, etc.)?
E. Effective New Belief:
Write down as many new, uplifting beliefs as you can. You can use your answers from the questions above to form positive thoughts, beliefs, and self-statements. These new beliefs are intended to replace your old beliefs in time. They will help you learn to see things in a positive light, rather than continuing to maintain your negative beliefs.
Having more positive beliefs will lead to less intense emotions.
Repeat steps A-E each time you experience intense, persistent emotional reactions that are unbefitting of a situation. Remember, change takes time. It won’t happen overnight, but with consistent practice, it will happen
Visit https://positivepsychology.com/albert-ellis-abc-model-rebt-cbt/ for more exercises like these.
